This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. April 9, 2012, 4:18 pm. bittergaymark (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. =), lets_be_honest However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. He said theres only a chance. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. . Man is in quotes becuase no man abandons a woman that he impregnates. And yes men create children. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. iseeshiny He let you go. You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. And what few you do procreate will become part of the growing criminal element, as they have no strong father-figure to teach them how to be part of successful society. Steve Kellmeyer Its biology. Seriously this is skeeving me out. Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. Go argue with the feminists. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. I think what you are forgetting in all of this is that a child is not a peanut. female I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. bittergaymark He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. Everything is he: He is in love with you, so in love that he humped another woman; so in love that he wanted to kill a baby to be with you. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. 4. We have been able to shield the kids from this at this point. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. Step back and take a look at what you have told us. In the current system he has the option to opt out any time prior to conception. My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. He has a requirement to the mother of his child as well. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. Its not the situation, but the way its written. That isnt the case. .you can call me whatever you like. Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. Where exactly do you live? I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. Neither one of THEM created a child. Itll take work and patience, but he CAN be a father to the baby, and a partner to you.. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. Solved. By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Is it the fact that he wants something different from what she does that makes him scum? But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. landygirl. You really have no idea what child support means. Government will go after him for either Medical Support and/or Child Support. Ill never in a million years get it. reader, Laura1318+, writes (25 January 2008): A Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. April 10, 2012, 10:20 pm. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. AndreaMarie It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? I could maybe understand if he was 19 and didnt know what to do. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). Also, HUGE RED FLAG. Thats nature, Tim. I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. honeybeenicki I get what youre saying. Your choice. theQuietOne But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. And we dont really know that she actually said shes on the pill or if she is indeed really pregnant or if the lw truly wants him to go off and marry the other woman. ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. My mother taught me better than that. April 9, 2012, 3:04 pm, Ill continue playing devils advocate here today There are any number of cases where under-age males, 12 years old, 14 years old, 16 years old, get hit for child support because the female teacher who statutorily RAPED them got pregnant. Please help. This is your CHILD. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. datechguy And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. Weird question. lets_be_honest Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. Like labor isnt extremely painful. But for someone more causal, that isnt really there as much. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. Iwannatalktosampson Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. Sure. lets_be_honest They Didn't "Win". He doesnt want anything to do with her? Not your wallet, not your choice. I-RIGHT-I While it is true he has no obligation to someone hes broken up with, he does have an obligation to not go around making babies with women he doesnt even know. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. bittergaymark I think this would cut down on a LOT of baby mama drama with regards to accusations of women getting pregnant on purpose or trapping me with a baby. Because no matter how much we feminists on here hate that bullshit, it DOES happen. Typical female (notice I didnt use the word woman, because she isnt grown up enough to be one) wants to control every man and every bank account around her. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. Im sorry, but sex creates children. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. Solved. SweetsAndBeats Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when?